Gutsy

After my "emotional" week, I decided that I needed something to help me move forward. There is a tenant living in rental house (beside our house) and the first day she moved in I saw this ribbon on her car.

 

This ribbon is for Infant Loss Remembrance.  I recognized it immediately but it's a hard subject to bring up.

The tenant does her laundry once a week at our place (shared laundry space) and I decided to ask her about the ribbon. It never bothers me when people ask me about my story and I decided to say something. 

She said that she was happy to talk about her third child, Lily, who died of SIDS at 6 weeks old, 2 years ago. She has 2 other children, but Lily was her only girl. She is an avid supporter and member of support groups in Texas (her home-state) and after I told her a little about me, we each showed the pictures of our children that we both wore in silver lockets around our necks.

She encouraged me to come chat with her if I was ever having a hard week and I told her that she had already really helped me because I just needed to say out loud how I was really feeling.

Nineteen Months

It was so easy to take this picture! Allison uses the wooden box (with her name on it) to climb onto chairs and other furniture so when I told her to sit on it she ran straight over. I got the box from a friend of my mom's (who's husband handled the funeral arrangements for the boys- ahhh...small town living) and the box has always been one of Allison's favorite items. I surrounded her with her favorite toys of the moment- a phone, a vacuum/popper, a beach ball, blocks, a stuffed rabbit, and all her books.

This Girl

Nathan and I always say to each other, "can  you believe we get to keep her?" Allison is a great kid, and although she runs me ragged by the end of each day, I love her energy. I am so thankful that we've had this time together. Since I was feeling a little sentimental over the last few days, I decided to take a few pictures of Allison while she played on our bed today. She loves the feel of the cool douvet on her body so I didn't have to beg her for photos the way I usually do- she was having too much fun!

 

Memories

While I absolutely loved the decorations for the gravesite, it has brought up a lot of feelings for me.

I don't like being away from my family but Kansas City has been an escape for me for so much of the pain I experienced while at home. Maybe it's a defense mechanism but sometimes I have to pretend that "me" doesn't exist.

When I saw the pictures that Shelley sent me it pushed me right back to the spot the grief had bookmarked in my life.

My friend Beth (whose daughter died in May) writes a blog (www.ourbabyphoenix.org) and sometimes when it pops up on my facebook newsfeed I have to "hide it" because I know that if I read her blog, I will feel all those familiar things that so often I just don't want to feel.

Nathan and I had a long talk tonight about how we're doing. We haven't had one in awhile and after a few tears I think we both felt a little lighter and ready to move forward to a new day.

I guess I was just surprised that the photos of the grave-marker shook me so much because it was a happy moment when I first saw the pictures.


I know I'll be busy for the rest of my life figuring out all these feelings, but I'm so thankful for a family who will listen to them, and a blog to write my ramblings on.

Decorations

Each year my parents decorate our boys' gravemarker. My parents live next to the cemetary and it means so much that they take the time to dress it since we now live so far away.

My mom usually asks my Dad's brother, Jim, to make the topper because he works at a garden center and is very talented. This year, my sister-in-law, Shelley, asked if she could make it. I thought it was such an amazing, generous, and touching offer.

Shelley is a great decorator and knew she'd come up with something beautiful. I asked her to take some pictures of her taking her kids to put the topper on.

It's so wonderful and I can't express enough how grateful I am to have family who honors our boys in this way.

Black (Eye) Friday

Yesterday, Nathan got off work at 1pm so we were able to go to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner. Nathan works with Chris, and he and his wife, Mindy, live about 40 minutes from us.

They invited 10 of us to join us for their dinner. Everyone there (except 3 of us) were doctors so there was a lot of shop talk. Luckily I didn't notice because I was too busy enjoying the amazing food. Mindy is a great cook and made nearly everything from scratch. As someone who has made only small meals for groups, I can't believe how much work, energy, and money she put into this amazing dinner. It was such a treat and it was presented beautifully.

 

Chris and Mindy have 2 boys (a little older and a little younger) than Allison, and their oldest boy, Xander, loved playing with Allison. Chris and Mindy have a large house and their basement has only of the best toy room I've ever seen- Allison was in heaven.

The night was going perfectly until about 7:45pm. Allison was starting to get sleepy and (as she usually does at this time) got a little lax in her safety. The house is a split level and Allison had no problem all day going up and down the stairs. I was standing near the top of the stairs and she was only the 2nd to last step on the bottom stairs. She probably reached for something on the floor (as she's done before while on the couch) and went headfirst down the stairs. She freaked but quickly calmed down. She was playing, walking, and "talking" right after so while Nathan and I were a little freaked, she seemed fine except for the rug burn on her face. The 4 pediatricians at the party assured us she was most likely fine but we decided it was time to get her home.

On the way home Nathan and I shared our stories of smacking our heads when we were kids. We've both had quite a few (I still have the scar) and that made us feel better for our little bruiser.

I was up all night checking on her every hour and she woke up this morning laughing and playing in her bed. Her only mark from her fall is around her eye. It's funny because for our November famiy portrait we did mugshots but I decided not to post them because I used makeup to give Allison a faux black and it looked so sad and didn't want anyone to be offended. But here we are a couple of weeks later and she has a real one!

Happy Thanksgiving

John Mark and Jill gave Allison this adorable dress for Thanksgiving. Allison looks so beautiful and she looks so grown up!

I couldn't stop myself from taking a few (dozen) photos of her.

 

 

 

 

Spicy Spiral

Every year I sign up for the Elfster Christmas Exchange. Elfster is a craft site and a couple times a year the administration team organizes a gift swap. It's fun to make a craft for a stranger and send it to them with a small note.

I always get excited while I wait to be matched, but then I start to panic because it's so hard to think of what a stranger would want!  It also doesn't help when you are partnered up with a SUPER CRAFTER. My partner asked if I had a blog and I sent her mine and when I asked if she had one she sent me to her AMAZING blog. Like, professional crafter. She's so talented and I got really intimidated. I decided to do what I always do when I don't know what kind of gift to get someone- I make something that I would want.

A few months ago I was looking at tree skirt pattern when I discovered the "it" craft for this Christmas season. It's the Spicy Spiral Table Runner. I guess there's only one pattern for it and it's hard to get and blah blah blah. But it's just a circle pattern sewn in a new way so I decided to make my own pattern.

For starters, I needed a 9 degree wedge ruler. I wasn't about to buy one because I'd have to order it online, it was $15, and I didn't know when I would use it again. So I decided to make my own.

First I printed a protractor off google images, found my 9 degree angle, then added a quarter inch seam allowance to each side. I then traced it onto freezer paper, cut it out and traced it again onto an old cereal box I found in the recyling. I covered it in duct tape to add extra stabilty- BOOM! Free ruler.

I've seen some great tutorials on how to put the quilt together (my favorite is http://www.sewwequilt.com/2011/12/comfort-and-joy-begins-with-mary-and.html)  but there weren't any measurements for each of the strips.

 So I had to come up with my own pattern.

Fabric:
6" X 42" (standard fabric length) of 8 fabrics- this is 1/6 of a yard
3/4 yard of backing/binding fabric

That's it. I originally followed the instructions of 1/4 yard for each fabric and 1 yard for the back and binding and I had enough to make 3 of these centerpieces.

Cut 2 strips of each color:
A) 3 (inches)
B) 1 7/8
C) 2 5/8
D) 1 7/8
E) 2 5/8
F)1 7/8
G)2.5
H)2.75


This is just a strip quilt and it's so easy. It is a really quick project. Sew the strips in that order.

 The most time consuming part it cutting the wedges.But once you get going it's so easy. On the tutorial I mentioned above it suggests cutting through both layers of strips at once but for accuracy I decided to do one at a time.
For the first strip, place the top of the wedge ruler to the top of the last (2.75 inch) fabric and cut.

 Next, using a second ruler, measure down .75 inches and cut another wedge. The next wedge you measure down 1.5 inches. Continue down in increments of .75 and after 24 cuts you will have a teeny weeny wedge that is about an inch tall.

Once you do this with one strip set, FLIP the next strip so that the 2.5 is at the bottom and the 3 inch is at the top. Just a tip- you can easily use the leftover strip set from the last step to cut a lot of these strips. I only used my second strip set for 5 of the largest wedges and the smaller ones I cut from the remants of the first strip set. As you can see in the picture below, I still had about 30 inches of each fabric left. Like I said, this is a small project. You do not need a lot of fabric.

 Wahoo! 24 wedges from each strip.

 See the tutorial for sewing tips but basically, sew then in order from largest to smallest, matching up top of the wedges. Then iron, round of the edges that jut out, and quilt it however you want. I liked the swirl pattern that the orginaly tutoiral gave. Put some binding on (I prefer to attach mine by hand) and there you have it- a super stellar quilted centerpiece for your table - or for a new friend from California's table.

First Thanksgiving

Nathan was in the clinic this week so he had the weekend off. I felt like we had time to catch-up this weekend and I am so thankful for this time. John Mark and Jill invited over for an early holiday lunch today. Their kids and their wives also attended. Sometimes we feel like we're intruding because their kids are our age and even though with see JM and Jill as friends and not parental figures, we don't want to intrude on family gatherings. JM and Jill assured us that we were welcome.

We've met each of the couples before and they're all so sweet and we all get along well so we were really excited to go. Each couple has a child, one is 8 months older than Allison, and one is 8 months younger so Allison had a good day too.

JM dresses up as Santa for the Misison Hills Light Ceremony each year and he tried on his costume for the kids. Allison didn't mind the costume but she DID NOT want to sit on his lap. Poor JM, we're all laughing while he's trying to hold onto our wild child.

 

We had a catered meal of Jack Stack BBQ and visited until we realized the family had plans for the day.

Nathan and the guys made plans to go see a movie tonight (I was happy for the time alone) so now I've tucked Allison into bed and I'm enjoying updating the blog in a quiet house.

The Way to San Jose

I follow a group on facebook called the KC Studio- it's a group dedicated to the Arts in Kansas City. On their facebook page/website they give away tickets to concerts, performances, and events and it's really easy to enter the draw.  I enter everything!  I remember when I entered the Burt Bacharach draw and looked at the date and hoped the concert would be during my Mom's visit to KC this winter - not that I thought I would win.

The concert was tonight and I won! I was surprised when I got the email saying I could pick up my tickets at will-call at the Kauffman Center. The Kauffman Center is a new performance building and it is absolutely stunning. Neither Nathan and I had been before and it was a fantastic experience.

At first Nathan didn't want to attend the concert because he didn't know any of the songs or even who Burt was (gasp!) but after NO ONE responded to my invation on facebook all week, and our friends April and Ryan offered to watch Allison, Nathan agreed to be my date.

I was so thankful to have Ryan and April watch Allison. Allison is so picky with people lately but she knows the McKay's well and adores their son, Griffin. There's only been 3 nights that I haven't put Allison to bed so it was a big deal to leave her at bedtime.

It was easy to get to the venue/find parking and we quickly found our way to our stellar seats. We were in the 22nd row, and we were on the aisle AND there were only 4 people in our aisle so we weren't cramped.

The theater was beautiful. We were by far the youngest people there and we got some strange looks in the lobby. We weren't allowed to take photos during the performance so I didn't get any of Burt at the piano.

The concert featured Burt (a KC born musician- a fact the crowd loved), 7 backup musicians, and 3 singers. Burt only sang 4 songs and the rest were sang by the feautred singers. Nathan was surprised at how many of the songs he knew! The concert was fantastic because it was mainly his big hits (with only 2 or 3 new songs at the end). He sang:
-What the World Needs Now
-Do You Know the Way to San Jose
-What's New Pussycat
-(They Long to Be) Close to You
-I Say a Little Prayer
-Wishin' and Hopin'
and an encore, sing-a-long performance of Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head.

We picked Allison up at 10pm and she went seamlessly back to bed after we got back home. It was a really fun night and an amazing treat to attend the concert and to explore the Kauffman Center.