Baby Eden

These past couple of years, we've had 5 close friends lose children, and there's probably been more that we don't know about.

A couple who were amazingly supportive when we lost J.R., recently had to go through that pain themselves. Madison and Stephen, who feel so deeply for those around them, who called, sent cards, remembered important dates (for our boys), now have to know exactly what we felt.

Madison went into second term labor and delivered a baby girl, Eden Joy Leatta. When friends lose a child, we have some thoughtful friends who reach out to see how we're doing and I always tell them that we're fine and that this is a time for the couple who is currently experiencing the pain. But in private, Nathan and I have had to deal with so many feelings coming back.

We decided to go to the funeral and it was really emotional. It's so strange to get another view of your life. Hearing Stephen speak about his daughter, and being able to tell stories about her, it reminded me of the boys funeral and telling stories about them because no one else will ever know this person, and you want everyone to remember them.  It was also very sad because the song Madison and Stephen chose for their daughter was the song we chose for our boys. So there was no escaping the tears at that point.

I reached out to Madison with some wisdom of things I've learned, but also giving her a lot of space to find her own way to grieve. I think my main point that I share with people while going through (any type of) loss, is to not be concerned with being an example. I've seen Christians throw all their energy into convincing themselves that "God is in charge" and "this is God's plan" and "We trust God in this time." These are all great statements, but some days you just need to be sad. Or mad. Or angry because this is not fair. But so often people get caught up on how things look on the outside, so they're really not processing. Grief really is about the steps forward, when one day you realize you haven't cried in 24 hours.

What I'm reminded of time and time again, when this particular sadness happens, is that shared sadness is half sadness. The people you love want to carry your burden, and it deepens relationships when someone trusts you to listen to them and feel their grief with them. I'm very grateful that we were able to support our friends today.