Answered Prayers

In a time where the ground seems to be constantly shifting, I am thankful for the answers to prayer that I have been given in these last three weeks.

As Nathan and I sat in the same seats (at the funeral home) that we did only 14 months earlier, we were given the strength to make the arrangements and be mindful of the generosity and assistance of the William's Funeral Home. The peacefulness we have felt has also allowed us really observe the helpfulness of those around us. After Michael, Nathan and I both shut down in order to save ourselves, but in doing so we didn't get the chance to comfort and be comforted. With the peace that we have been given we have been able to accept hugs, welcome phone calls and emails, and embrace the idea of a funeral so we could all say goodbye.

Our friends and family have supported us enormously through these last 3 weeks but I have been so thankful that relationships that have been strained have been put on the road to repair through the outpouring of love and support by those that I doubted. Family bonds have been strengthened and friendships have found new depth.

Nathan and I didn't know how to have a funeral since we don't have a home church in Ontario. We prayed how to honor our boys and we got an answer when John Mark Clifton, our Kansas City Wornall Road pastor said that he would come and lead the service. We don't know how we could have got through the days leading up to Saturday without John Mark and the support of our Wornall Road family. John Mark traveled so far, said just the right thing at the service, and his presence cemented our feelings that we have a home in KC.

When Michael died last year I prayed that I could have had just one minute with him living. One moment of him looking at me, touching my hand, hearing his cry, or feeling his warmth against my skin. I was given that moment and so much more in the three weeks of John's life. I feel that I knew him, his feisty personality, he strength, and how his heart beat would regulate when his heart was placed against mine. Those are moments that I treasure and look back on with happiness and gratefulness.

Finally, I was always so consumed by the idea that Michael was alone. Michael was cremated and 6 days later we moved to Kansas City. I felt that he was never put to rest and a lot of that came from my feelings of leaving him alone. That we were able to bury our boys together gives me a peace that I cannot describe. I know they are together and I was comforted when we could remember them as brothers at the funeral.

While life isn't what I wanted or expected, I have to accept that I have been given so many gifts in this time of sorrow. Last year I felt like I was in a haze and although this isn't easier, I feel like through the strength in my faith that I've gained these past 14 months I can see a little clearer the grace of God.